Firstly, i didn’t know that you would have so much thoughts racing through your heads until today. But whether big or small thoughts, they are still thoughts i would like to answer and do away with those minor ones because i don’t want all this piling on and on and eventually amounting to a lot. Don’t get me wrong, i’m still thankful you tell me so i can help you with it or answer you if you have any doubts or share with you my point of view. Again, don’t get me wrong, though i may sound harsh but its unintentional! don’t read it with a harsh tone in mind hahaha i’m just telling you my point of view alright and don’t worry about it! Continue telling me even such trivial stuffs because we share everything under the Sun. :)
Now to the problems, i guess its the idea of me being a typical mainstream scene kid that indulges in vulgarities, smoking, LAN gaming and all the stuff that do that irks me. Not so much of you telling me that you felt that I only “come back and sweet talk” to my loved ones after i had my fair share of fun. Still…..to me that is really a huge understatement. I’m just not any other boys out there that forget about their girlfriend or neglects loved ones while enjoying myself. I just don’t think i am one but yeah a third party always sees everything more clearly so please continue to tell me my flaws. I didn’t know that all that reassurance was just maybe slightly more than sweet talk to you, don’t get me wrong again alright. Maybe its really hard to change your viewpoint about certain matters so all these words may just appear as mere sweet talk. I’ll try to phrase it differently and cut down okay but i really only say things i mean so…..yeah :(. Pains me to say this but i really don’t wish it comes to a point whereby i use such words and expressions to a minimum level, i want to continue using such words because i feel they best explain how i feel. So yeah, i’m not angry or anything but just really really slightly disappointed about how i carried myself. These are my imperfections and i’ll work harder for the better but i don’t want to change my own character simply to “give in”. I will if i have to and its for the greater good thats for sure.
Since young, i’ve always been afraid of authority and i haven’t really understood why. Throughout my secondary life i started growing rebellious and i think with a little bit of confidence, i grew out of that bubble and started getting comfortable with adults. Too comfortable sometimes i blur the lines and respect and friendliness. I don’t want to say anything wrong to anyone or come across as “living in my own bubble’ and thus i’ve always been polite and also always drawing a line. You know how i sometimes get overly close with someone that its out of their comfort zone, so yeah i’d rather choose to avoid all these situations that might possibly arise.
Since young, i’ve always been afraid of authority and i haven’t really understood why. Throughout my secondary life i started growing rebellious and i think with a little bit of confidence, i grew out of that bubble and started getting comfortable with adults. Too comfortable sometimes i blur the lines and respect and friendliness. I don’t want to say anything wrong to anyone or come across as “living in my own bubble’ and thus i’ve always been polite and also always drawing a line. You know how i sometimes get overly close with someone that its out of their comfort zone, so yeah i’d rather choose to avoid all these situations that might possibly arise.
We are really similar in terms of overthinking but i’m not one that would like to leave anything unsaid. To be honest it’s hard for me to just think of whatever we discuss as nothing because you don’t have words to put it across nicely or you just don’t know how to express it correctly and giving the correct idea. I tend to overthink and get really disturbed by it. You know how i can’t get by with a mystery or an unsolved riddle at the back of my head so its really disturbing to have more issues like that piling. I just want to know and make it better for both you and me.
This might really break the flow of this whole post but yeah, sure as hell you mean enough for me to want to put so much efforts and considerations to make things work. i love you.
And regarding my Mom, i’ll make it work. Thats my promise to you my dearrrrrrrrrrr :) "
- darren on 9/1/2012